To Crying

Happy crying: I wasn’t keen on weddings, especially not my own. A dress? An aisle? No thank you. My friend talks me into it and eventually, I see her point. Families get together. Let them meet, she says. Let them celebrate! Ok. I give in. 

And for most of the day, I’m fine. It’s a party. But then, I have to speak. We have each selected poems to read. I get through the first two words and then, I cry. Overwhelmed. This day is big and beautiful. May. Summer is new. The freshness of the grass stuns us all. You think you know love, and then…

Movie crying: Hollywood has a knack. Lassie. Old Yeller. Marley. Please, stop with the dogs. Everyone knows the dog is just the family baby. We need a new movie rating: DG. Dog Gone. The dog dies. You need to know this going in.

Grief: I walk into class. It’s the first class I’ve faced since you died. Like every other day, my students are friendly and ask me how my weekend was. I pause. All weekend, I wanted to wake up from this bad dream. I know it’s going to take weeks, months, years before I can connect what I know and how I feel. I can lie now. I can say fine. And truly, if I say that, I will get through the next few minutes better than if I am honest.

But I have to be honest. I lost a very good friend this weekend, I say. You are my first class since I heard he died and so I have to say this. I cry and they fall silent. Awkward. Painful.

I don’t care. 

I do care. We are all in this together. We have to cry together. Because we cry enough alone.