To the 9 Page Application I Had To Complete Before Boarding My Dogs

Does your dog like to play? With what? With whom? Does your dog like other dogs (circle one): males only, females only, males and females. Sometimes males and not females. Sometimes females and not males. My dog has not yet learned that other dogs exist. My dog doesn’t know he/she is a dog.

Otty

What does your dog eat? What is your dog’s main source of protein? Do you feed your dog grocery store kibble or to you personally prepare your dog a dinner of rice and chicken? Does your dog eat at the table? Does he enjoy a beer or wine with dinner? What is your dog’s favorite restaurant so I can get a gift card for your dog?

When you are not home, what does your dog do? Does your dog read your computer files or surf the Internet? Does your dog leave and go hang out the the dog down the block? The one you don’t like? The one you call “bad news?” Do you blame your dog for wanting to? Do you think if you gave your dog a little more attention, perhaps you wouldn’t have this problem?

Indy and Otty

Does your dog know any commands? Sit? Stay? Roll over? Does your dog know how to dance? Would your dog like to attend a concert as part of a field trip? If so, would your dog prefer classical, pop, country, or folk? (Note: we tried an alternative rock band, but it made the dogs too sad and we vowed never to do that again. CD’s of the Smiths are available on a limited basis; however, no dog is allowed more than 20 minutes of the Smiths in a 24 hour period.)

What does your dog do to express happiness? Sadness? Disdain? Worry? Intrigue? Anger? Ambivalence? Surprise? Anxiety? Malaise? You don’t know? Are you sure this is your dog? How can you not know?

Why are you leaving without your dog? Are you going somewhere that doesn’t allow dogs? Why would you go there? Why are you leaving your dog with total strangers? Why do you trust us? Do you believe, because we have asked all these questions, we will love your dog the way you do? Are you sure you would want us to?