To Customer Satisfaction Surveys

Your happiness is important to us.

Because if you’re not happy, we don’t make money.

And your money is important to us.

It’s win-win.

So, although we know you hate these and we risk making you a little less happy by giving you one, please fill out the following satisfaction survey.

This survey should take 2 minutes. Unless you are actually thinking about your experience, in which case it should take the better part of an hour.

1. Did our Ego Strokers (eg store clerks) make you feel welcome? Yes    No
   
   
2. Did you find what you were looking for? Yes        No
   
   
3. Did you find that one thing you were not looking for but decided you wanted? Yes        No
   
   
4. Did you find that one thing you were not looking for but decided you needed and luckily it was on sale so you bought two? Yes        No
   
   
5. Did you forget about your troubles (recent divorce, family illness, co-worker who always steals your ideas, your house that won’t sell because the market tanked) while at our store? 
   Yes    
    No    
    Yes, and now I remember, so thanks for that.
   
   
6. What level of desire do you have to return?   
1. None, disgust upon leaving.
2. A little, like a vague childhood nostalgia.
3. Some, like a hunger.
4. Burning.
5. I actually didn’t leave.
   
   
7. What was the best thing about your shopping experience?
1. The juniper-scented wallpaper in the dressing room
2. The natural light/lack of fluorescent buzzing
3. The free bacon at check-out
4. The poetry readings
   
   

 8. What was the worst thing about your shopping experience?

1. All the stuff seemed like it was in the wrong place.
2. The staff was too good looking.
3. The staff was not good looking enough.
4. Overly helpful
5. Underly kind
   
   

9. What could we add to make the experience better?

1. Masseuse
2. Heated blankets (in winter)
3. Craft beer/low tannin wine
4. Child care
5. Satellite radio
   
   

10. Will you recommend us to a friend?

1. Yes
2. No
3. Too embarrassed to admit I shop here, so no
4. In this age of social media, “friend” is unclear and imprecise.