To Distance Running Alone

You are not my favorite way to run. I would rather be meeting Jill at the Ira Road trailhead today, even in the rain. Some days she’s got a big smile; some days she is rolling her eyes, but the point is, she is always there. And my run is better for her company.

But today I am out of town and to stay on schedule, I have to do 10 by myself. I have no one waiting for me, no one to look forward to, no one to distract me, no one to problem solve with. I am quite sure if world leaders just went on a solid 50-miler together, a lot would get resolved. 

Winter running is Texas is so much sunnier than Ohio!

 It’s 6 AM. By 6:30, I have fallen down the rabbit hole of negativity. The run is too long. I ate the wrong food last night. I didn’t sleep enough. I shouldn’t have checked the weather because now I am running with numbers: 83% (humidity), 78 (degrees) 10 (miles), 5 (songs I have skipped because now I hate them).

I start to bargain with myself. Just do 8. Your asthma will kick in. Better just stop. You didn’t fuel properly. You don’t want to have to call for a ride. Why are you even doing any of this? Your knee hurts. Maybe it’s broken. It’s too hot. There’s nothing good to listen to and now you can hear your breathing; you’re breathing too hard. You should stop. Really. It’s ok. No one cares.

I don’t agree. I walk a bit. I eat my sport beans. I tell myself it’s the distance, not the time, that matters. I’ve done this before and I can do it again. Just get to that tree. Get over that hill. When you pass by that woman with her dog, wave and smile like you feel good. You can stop at the water fountain at mile 8.

Later, at breakfast, a friend says he hates running. I want to say everyone hates running. It’s long and lonely and painful.

Mile 10. Done.I say "I made it", as if I actually built the miles I ran. As if I gathered whatever raw materials and crafted 10 miles. As if they did not exist before me.

But the miles make me. Somehow, when I walk into the house, I’m different. A little more free.A little less complicated. All the voices in my head are quiet. We all won.