To “Year in Reviews”

Let’s take a look back, shall we, at all the local news and events? 

 

Isaac decided a career in accounting was not for him. He decided this after he was fired from his accounting job only 4 months in. Apparently, mistakes are tolerated for only so long. Stability is for suckers, he thinks, and has decided to sell kayaks at the local sporting good store. He hopes they will hire him. He has adventurous footwear.

Aunt Emme is back. We are all pretending like nothing happened. She looks like she lost a little weight, but she seems happier. We don’t know if that’s because she’s relieved it’s over or if the experience was transformative for her in some way. Occasionally, she steals away to the guest room and spends several minutes on her phone texting. No one knows to whom. Before this, she never knew how to text. She has a tattoo.

Main Street saw a resurgence in the beginning of the year when several shops opened in the first quarter. A bakery, a pet groomer/daycare and some kind of tech something-or-other all moved into the spots that had been vacant for years. The city gave them a discount on rent and small loans to get started. Business was brisk for the first week and then the newness wore off. Or people forgot. Or they realized they baked just as well at home and the dog doesn’t like the shears and once the tech problem is fixed, there’s really no reason to go back. By the third quarter, they had all closed. We are working on alternative business models for the new year.

The entire fourth grade class at PS 157 came down with strep, lice, and chicken pox during the time between Thanksgiving and Winter Break. Notices would have gone home, but the children weren’t in school to collect them. Some believe it was a conspiracy among the children themselves to get out the the final tests. Some parents have found search histories for “How to catch chicken pox” on their home computers. Luckily, all the children are well. We ask that parents check their search histories for more than porn.

source: twitter.com

Momaw got an iPad for her birthday and joined Facebook. She friended all the grandchildren and then began (accidently) stalking them. They love her, but have unfriended her after trying to teach her some FB etiquette, which she ignored. When she was asleep, the youngest grandchild hacked her account and “liked” several funny dog video pages. Memaw knows what’s up. She’s subtweeting them and they have no idea.