To Door-to-Door Sales People

Even though you are selling me wind power and you’re holding up your iPhone to show me your company’s website, your career choice is anachronistic. You’ve knocked on my neighbor’s door, and they sent you away. You went to my other neighbor and they didn’t even come to the door.

 It’s hot and humid and the truth is, you smell like it. You’ve been up and down these streets all day. This is either your first job out of college or you never went to college, but you are hustling this sale like your life depends it. It probably does.

I want to believe you. I would love to have 100% wind-powered clean electricity powering my MacBook and my Roku. You could not have knocked on a better door, philosophically and politically speaking. I am your demographic. Except…

I would never buy or sign up for a service from a kid selling stuff door-to-door. No matter what the stuff is. This 2015 and I google everything. So, no, you can’t just walk up with your name tag on a lanyard and corporate polo shirt and expect me to thank you, all where-have-you- been-all- my-life, pen at the ready, feeling progressive and green. And given your age, which I’m guessing is about 22, given the kwepie-doll hairstyle and very earnest pitch, I think you’d get that.

A for effort, young man. I admit that a (not so small) part of that exchange was for the benefit of my 15 year old, who was sitting on the porch, watching the whole thing. A “teachable moment” as they say. This is how you say no to people. This is how educated consumers behave. This is how you avoid scams. This is how you do not cave. In the past year, my 15 year old has made it very clear he has learned these lessons. I just want to show that they can be practiced on people other than your parents.

When it becomes clear that I will look into it, but I’m not buying today, no matter how big that discount is, you deflate a bit. It’s over. The humidity is unkind and you mention all the blocks you have left to walk. You start to turn away and then you turn back and in a much softer voice ask if I have a bottle of water or a pop. And honestly, I don’t. I don’t keep either in my house. I’m not lying just to get you to leave. It’s true. Believe me.