Today, at the grocery store, making a run for the carrots I forgot and the beans I forgot and the chocolate I suddenly decided I needed, I see one.
Like all the best holiday sweaters this one was knitted. Halloween themed with attached knitted pumpkins and a friendly smiling flying ghost on the back shoulder. On the front, a “spooky” house, which because of all the knitting, is nothing but adorable. A small “boo” in white letters up in the sky, a little word cloud above the house.
These are the kinds of sweaters we poke fun at during the office Christmas party. Prizes awarded for the best-worst one. Some are very long, hanging well past the waist. In the catalogue online, it looks rather smart with red leggings, but that’s when it’s worn by a 16 year old model. The vest is a popular model. Big pockets on the front shaped like stockings. Candy canes.
The best are the ones that come rigged with actual lights. Orange ones for Halloween. Green and red at Christmas. The little battery pack tucked discreetly in the lining. This is full-on, deck-the-halls-with-ALL-the-boughs-of-holly, fa-la-la-la-la-la-f’ing la, do-not-mess-with-my-holiday-cheer, I-wait-for-this-holiday-all-year celebrating.
Look, the message is clear. If you don’t want to celebrate, fine. If you want to wear your trim red sweater with the little black sequin collar that looks like something Jackie Kennedy would have worn, go right ahead. If you want a discreet tie with pumpkins so small they could be flowers, party on.
But not us. We get it. We let loose. We enjoy. Knit all summer long and debut that sweater on the first cool day. We are the beacon and if they want to make fun of it, let ‘em. I have no fucks left to give about that.
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