To Do-Overs

Monopoly on a rainy Sunday. I’m losing badly and it matters. The loss feels a lot like luck--a roll of the dice that puts me back in jail, I land on Park Place and it has  3 houses. I’ve mortgaged my railroads and made some side deals, but I can’t seem to get ahead. I know there’s a skill to this game and it’s clear I don’t have it.

 

I roll the dice and one falls off the table.

“Do over!”

This could mean the difference between dropping out of the game and making it another trip around the board. The do-over can save me.

I would like to have three other do-overs.

The wedding photographer: We were fresh out of grad school with no incomes. Some might wait until they get more established, but it didn’t even really occur to us. So we did the whole thing on a budget, and to save money, we gave everyone disposable cameras and trusted them.

Guests take horrible pictures. They are far away and  inch-for-inch we have more pictures of the trees and bushes than people. No one rounded us up at any point and said, “Stand here for  minutes and smile.” And guests drink. They aren’t interested in pictures. I would have paid for the photographer.

The Honda CVCC: the first car I ever bought with all my own money. Senior year of college. $500. I call an number from an ad in a paper and meet a guy in Chenango Bridge. The  car looks as though it has been literally put out to pasture, but he lets me take it for a drive. It goes. It stops. Sold.

I get it home and decide to take it to a mechanic for a check up. I have to take it to three before I can find one who is willing to put it on lift; the rust is so bad they fear the car will crack in half. Finally one guy agrees and calls me later with the repair list: brakes, tires. $500.

I call my parents in tears. This was my first adult purchase. I signed a title for christ sake. And now I have to invest as much in the car to repair as I paid for it. I work 12 hours a week showing films for classes. The bus was working just fine. I didn’t need a car. I didn’t know what I needed.

England: I spent a summer traveling Europe and never made it to England. I should have returned home completely penniless and seen every city I could have. I thought I would get back. 

You just go, right? You just make space in your life and go. So easy. Whenever I want. Just go.